I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
