I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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