The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
