Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
