Someone shit on the floor
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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