I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
