she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
