Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
