i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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