whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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