could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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