Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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