dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
