i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
