rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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