I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
