perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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