I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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