you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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