Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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