we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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