i can't believe i had my finger in that
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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