My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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