i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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