she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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