And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
