Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
