she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
