Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
