I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
