We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
