I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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