she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
