I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
