the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
