Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
