FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
