Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
