cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
