break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
its not stalking. its research.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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