I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
