I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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