I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
