Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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