I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
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Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
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And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
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