I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
