if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
