i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
