Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
