Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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