You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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