well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
