ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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