my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
