Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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