My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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