i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
