We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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