im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Is it because I queefed?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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