no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
