Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
