There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Randomize
