We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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