I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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