So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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