...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
