Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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