i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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