Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
