You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize
