my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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