bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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