you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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