I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
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woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
this is an emotional support booty call
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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